Category: Reflections

There were times at school when I’d stare at the board absentmindedly, not cognizant of what was going on, but rather, giving the appearance that I was paying attention. It’s something that has occurred less as I’ve grown older, but it does happen from time to time.

In hindsight, I could attribute it to boredom, or that I was more interested in other subjects like art and P.E. There is a window of time when I can really focus and pay attention, but after that window closes, it becomes a struggle to stay alert. It’s not that I don’t want to pay attention, but everything I’m hearing and seeing isn’t registering in my brain like it used to. In other words, nothing is sinking in, and I’m just a body–sitting there and waiting for the class to be over.

Nowadays, things are different. I’m more intentional with my time, and I use my time purposefully (i.e. to work on projects, to finish chores, to run errands, etc.). I might become absentminded if I’m waiting in a long line at a store, or if I’m extremely tired, but given how fast pace everything is, I’m usually thinking about the next errand I have to do–or the next project I’m working on.

Overall, I think the difference between myself now and when I was young is that in my youth, I felt like I had all the time in the world–like there was an infinite supply of it–whereas now, I know it’s dwindling with each day that passes, and I have to make the best of each day before time runs out.

The one thing I enjoy about reading is that it gives me a bit of quiet–that solitary experience of being directly engaged with a work where silence is necessary. During the day, we can be busy with a lot of things–things like running errands, talking on the phone, doing chores, etc. And if we spend our time relaxing by watching TV, listening to music, or playing games on our cellphones or on the computer, these activities busy the mind–grab our attention–rather than let our imagination run free.

But reading is something different because it requires silence to focus on the text. It’s an activity that requires continuous and intense concentration–one which can abruptly end if a single distraction or noise intrudes upon our reading session. Thus, it’s hard to read when there’s noise or music playing in the background, or if people are talking nearby. With reading, it’s as if we can only focus on one thing at a time. It’s not just words that we’re reading, but the ideas and scenes that those words generate that we must extrapolate to turn into something meaningful and coherent to us.

In essence, we’re trying to reach a sort of agreement with the author–one in which our interpretation of their words are the same with what we believe their interpretation of them is supposed to be. Even though there is no direct communication between us and the author, we trust that their ideas can be received and understood by us if we can follow what they’ve written: the chain of their logic, the scenes that they’re describing, the emotions that they’re conveying, the sequence of events that they’ve laid out, etc.

This process of interpretation and agreement between the author and the reader is one that is continuous and imperfect, since there can be confusion when something is unclear, or if a bit of information is missing. And because the reader is trying to comprehend, as closely as possible, what the author is saying (without error, of course), it requires intense concentration and imagination. Therefore, it’s an activity where noise and sound can be the difference between understanding the text, and not understanding it at all.

When I overanalyze something, I reach a desert like impasse. Meaning I’ve reached a point where I can go in whichever direction I’d like, although I won’t know where I’m going–or if it’s the right one.

Over analyzing a situation can lead us to question every facet of a topic or a situation. It’s like every road leads to a dead end, because we can see the flaws in every road. Nothing seems viable, so we’re stuck at an impasse.

When I used to take tests in school, there’d be multiple choice questions with a, b, c, d, with the additional choice of a and c, or a, b, and c, or all of the above. There’d be times when I’d reach the conclusion that any of the options could be valid–depending on how each is looked at. Often times, it was the wording that threw me off, or the answer choices being half true or equivocal in meaning. Or it could be that the answer hinged on what was meant by a certain word, or the context it was meant to be in.

Strangely enough, I heard from one of my teachers that your first choice was often the right one, and that when you overanalyze something (or pick your second choice), it was wrong. I’m not sure if I agree with it 100%, but I do understand the rationale behind it. Our first choice is based on our intuition, and our second choice is based more on our analysis of the options. There are merits to both, but our intuition isn’t 100% right, and neither is our analysis of the options.

At some point, we must concede that we’re making a risk by the choice(s) we make (if it’s a question that’s unclear or dubious). There is a probability that we could end up being right or wrong by our choice, and won’t know until we’ve made it. But if we choose to remain at an impasse, we will certainly not know which it was.

Getting in the habit of something is a challenging step toward achieving our goals. So often, we make up reasons (or excuses) for not doing something routinely when we know we should. For example, I try to make it a habit of either reading or writing daily (mostly reading, since when I edit, I’m not technically writing anything new, but mostly correcting or changing things in the draft). There are days when I’m tired, when I’m not in the mood, but I convince myself to read/write anyway, since I know that if I don’t, I’ll be behind in reaching my goals.

Getting in the habit of something new is especially hard, since it is not the short term habit that is difficult, but the long term. For example, when we first take an interest in something (let’s say painting), it can be exciting and fun. But overtime, we realize that it takes a lot of work and practice, and that we need to continue doing it each day. But there are days where we don’t feel like painting, or days where we doubt ourselves. We might look at our painting and think: am I making any progress? Am I any good?

Thus, if we put off painting day after day, we’ll eventually stop painting altogether. And if we stop, it’s guaranteed that we won’t improve at all.

Any skill or endeavor that we pursue takes practice, and the dividends pay off not in the short term, since we can have our ups and downs, but in the long term–when we can see how far we’ve come from where we began. But to get there, we must get in the habit first.

Often times, we read for a pragmatic purpose. We read to learn, to gain information about something, to understand a concept, or when we’re browsing what products to buy.

But when we read for fun, it takes on a completely different meaning. It’s to escape into another world, to be in a different mindset–one that stimulates our imagination and curiosity. For example, when we read novels, comic books or comic strips, it’s to be entertained, wowed, or to be humored. When we play word puzzles or read about a topic we enjoy, it allows us not just to learn, but to take joy in solving problems and in discovering new or fascinating ideas.

This kind of reading is set apart from the kind that feels more like work. When reading is pragmatic, its purpose is to reach a goal (i.e. the acquisition of a piece of information, seeing what’s on the news, etc. ), so that when we’re done reading, we can get on about our business. But when reading is for fun, the purpose isn’t to reach the end, but to enjoy the ride.

A nap can take us by surprise. We can fall asleep without realizing that we are–without intending to. Besides, all we wanted to do was close our eyes for a minute and lay on the bed. We were going to get up in a minute, right?

It’s only after a nap that we wonder why we took one in the first place. Did we not get enough sleep the night before? Had we over extended ourselves in the past several days? Did we not get in our 8 hours of sleep each night?

A nap is a natural remedy for tiredness–a tiredness that we’ve been ignoring, or maybe we weren’t even aware of. During the day, we might not feel tired, although tiredness has been slowly building up like a pressure cooker. We’ll go about day, getting things done, without realizing that our bodies are starting to shut down, telling us to take a breather and get some rest.

The tiredness is so subtle that it’s not enough to make us go to sleep. But we begin to yawn, rubbing our fatigued eyes, and soon enough, we’re laying down on the bed, falling asleep. Three or four hours later, we wake up, and it’s dark outside, and we wonder if it’s morning or evening.

Before I had the internet, I’d have to look up words in a dictionary to know what words meant. I obviously couldn’t just look up the word on Google or use a dictionary app. So after saving my place in a book, I’d open the dictionary, and then leaf through the pages until I found the word I was searching for.

And if I was looking up multiple words, I’d constantly be flipping back and forth in the hefty-sized dictionary while trying to memorize what the words meant (since I couldn’t keep them open on a tab in a web browser). In the process, however, I’d learn the definitions of words I didn’t intend to look up. So instead of learning the definition of one word, I’d learn the definitions of two or three words on the same page.

This laborious process certainly hindered my reading pace, but as a result, I would spend hours reading and learning new words. Overtime, I found myself using the dictionary less, since I had expanded the breadth of my vocabulary. Even though I still use a dictionary (on the web or on an app), I don’t spend as much time looking up the definitions of words like I used to.

Overall, there’s a catch to having the answers at our fingertips. When we can find an answer to our question by just typing it on the computer, we’re less likely to probe further. But when we don’t have that option, we have to keep digging, and in the process, we’ll find hidden treasures.

Free time is something that can either be a luxury or a conundrum. It’s a luxury when we have options–when we can spend that time to relax, take a nap, read, create, go on a hike, or spend it with friends and family.

But it can be a conundrum when we have a lot of things to do. If we have a laundry list of chores, or if we have unfinished projects that we have put on the back burner, then free time functions more like a to-do list schedule than time we can enjoy.

Besides, free time is the time that we have to ourselves when we’re not working. We can spend that time on our hobbies, interests, or long term projects. Or we can spend it on things such as cooking, shopping, fixing and repairing things, or cleaning. But if we’re spending that time on things that aren’t recreational or fun, is it still considered free time, or is it something else?

Perhaps free time depends on how we define it. If we ignore self-care and the chores that need to be done, then our lives would be more difficult due to the problems that arose by neglecting them. If we spend all of our free time on hobbies, what about the pile of dirty dishes and laundry, the car that needs maintenance, and the host of other things that need to be addressed?

Perhaps free time can be categorized into groups such as leisure time, chore time, reading time, etc. Or maybe free time is just an illusion, and we are always busy working on something or addressing an issue.

When we wake up on a workday and see inches of snow on the ground, it can be a challenge to even get on the road. Warming up the car, shoveling snow, and brushing off snow from the windows can delay us as if we had been stuck in traffic for a half hour.

As we’re driving down the snowy road, we’re at the edge of our seat, gripping the steering wheel tightly, hoping that we won’t get stuck or swerve or drift down the road. It’s a tense and disconcerting experience, one that makes us pay extra attention to the road without caring for what’s on the radio or singing to our favorite song.

Once we’ve made it to the parking lot, we let out a sigh of relief. Thanks to the snow plowers and road treatments, we made to work safely. Most of the snow and ice from our windshields have melted because of the defrost and heat. The cabin is toasty, and we don’t want to step out into the frigid air. We sip our coffee (or tea) and gaze out at our place of work, hoping that it doesn’t snow again when we clock out.

There’s a saying that when one door closes, another door opens. This can be taken as encouragement to rebound from a loss, or an unfortunate circumstance. Or it can be taken as: a new opportunity will be opened if the opportunity we sought does not pan out.

We will go through life with disappointments. But in the event of the disappointments, we adapt, and we redefine our expectations of what is feasible and what we ought to achieve. Besides, each year and each decade of our lives, we strive for new goals–goals that reflect our changing beliefs and attitudes about life.

We don’t always know the reasons for the things that we didn’t achieve, even when we put our all into them. It’s as if with each setback, we’re continually forced to adapt, to change, to reinvent ourselves in a way where we don’t get stuck so that we can achieve the things, that in hindsight, we were meant to.