Author: Fallton Havenstonne

The day when we come together for peace, rest, and tranquility. The day we seek comfort for our souls, the day when we fully express the charity of our hearts. The day we wish everyone peace and happiness–especially in our prayers and thoughts.

There’s so much going on that we usually get wrapped up in our plans or are to-do list. But we also must reflect on the year: what we’ve accomplished, what we can learn from it.

Christmas Eve is a time for reflection, a time for prayer. During this holiday season, I wish peace for everyone, and that they find solace and happiness with the ones they’re with.

Quick thinking occurs when we respond to a situation with an immediate solution. It’s as if we’ve rehearsed the scenario, or know what to expect when something happens.

But quick thinking doesn’t depend on wit so much as it does on knowledge. When we’re faced with a problem, we must have an inventory of resources or facts at our disposal. When we run into a problem with a car, for example, we must have some knowledge of the things that can go wrong with it, as well as the ways to fix it. In other words, we must be able to troubleshoot the situation based on what we know.

This could be applied to anything, whether it is computers, fixing things up around the house, etc. If we don’t have the knowledge or experience to quickly solve the situation, then it will take trial and error, which could last for minutes or hours. Being able to think quickly requires some skill and experience. Once we have faced a trial or a difficulty, we know how to better deal with it the second time around.

When things get stressful, we feel overwhelmed. It feels like everything is falling apart around us–as if the world might come to an end. Stress can be caused by deadlines, chaotic situations, tense or awkward moments, and the oh so common to-do list, which never seems to end.

I remember working as a cashier at a clothing store during the Christmas season and getting stressed out by how long the lines got. The more customers that came into the store, the more stressed I became. And this was at a time before cellphones were in use. This was in the 90s.

During one of these long line days, a customer had asked me if a certain item was in stock. Seems simple enough, but the process was tedious. First, I had to scan the item, then I had to call the nearest store to see if they had it in stock (there wasn’t a computer there where I could browse the online inventory). Today, a sales clerk can search the inventory online with just a few clicks–taking a fraction of the time. In my case, I had to call one store after the next.

And whenever a customer decided to make a purchase with a check, I remember how it held up the line, since the customer had to first write the check, then it had to be fed into the register, etc.

As I waited, I would glance back at the costumers in lines and see the impatience and frustration showing on their faces. It wasn’t like they could occupy themselves on their phones (since iPhones and the like hadn’t been invented yet). They just stood there waiting while with an armful of clothes.

As the workday progressed into the evening, the stress got worse. By the time the store closed. there would be piles of clothes everywhere that had been shuffled around like laundry. This was during the holiday season, mind you. A time when everyone should be happy–enjoying the Christmas season.

We’re all going through something whether or not we express it or exhibit it outwardly. We do our best to not make the situation worse, to not escalate it into something it needn’t be. We put on a smile so as to not make it unbearable or awkward for others. Just like when I was a cashier going through the stress of long lines, I kept my calm, didn’t let panic get the best of me, although that’s how it felt within me.

So during this holiday season, which can be very stressful, let’s be patient, understanding, empathetic, and kind to one another. It can make a world of difference to someone.

There are times when we go through tribulations that we can’t understand. No matter how much brainpower we use to make sense of it, the answer, or meaning behind it, remains elusive–even mysterious.

It’s as if the event was spontaneous and irrational–beyond our means of comprehension. There was no reason for it, no purpose behind it. We look at all the ways it could’ve been avoided or deterred. After analyzing the multitude of possibilities, we conclude that the probability of what happened was so slim that we wonder how (or why) it happened in the first place.

It’s one of those things we can’t understand–won’t understand–because it makes no logical sense. Yet things like that happen in life, things that puzzle us, cause uneasiness down to our bones.

We wrestle with making sense of the mysterious to put our minds at ease, yet there’s something about it that evades our understanding of reality. Simply put, there are some things we just don’t understand, or maybe we’re not meant to.

When I wrote this title, I was thinking about the past–particularly when we settle into the norms of our lives. Once we have established routines, we believe that things will always be the way they are, that nothing will change.

If we have a routine of waking up or going to bed a certain hour, or a route we regularly take to work, we hold them as constants. We don’t think deeply about variations once we’ve become accustomed to doing things a certain way. We don’t think far enough into the possibility that the roads might change, or that the times we wake up or go to bed will have to be adjusted.

Even with regard to the friends and people in our lives, we believe that they will always be in our lives. But as time passes, we notice that people move, change jobs, or simply get busy with social engagements or their careers. Each month or year is lived like a chapter–a period in which habits and choices are readjusted frequently to meet the newest circumstance.

So many factors come into play that affect our decisions, which can uproot our lives from the foundation with which we established. Life is unpredictable. Perhaps our belief that things will “always be that way” is just an adaptation to the current environment, a way of adjusting to the newness that befalls us at each stage in life.

In some ways, I wish things can “always be that way.” The great memories I had, the adventures I took, the places I traveled to–sometimes I dive into those memories to relive them, to feel what they were like. It’s as if I didn’t want things to change, or maybe its indicative that I didn’t want to let go of them.

2020 turned the world upside down. 2019 felt like a utopia compared to the unexpected doom and gloom and isolation that befell us. I spent many nights reflecting about the past, the people I got to spend time with, the places I got to travel to, and wished that things could always be that way.

It’s hard to let go of the past, but maybe we’re not supposed to let go of it. Maybe we’re just supposed to make peace with it. 2019 was such a happy year for me. 2020 was just the opposite. I hope 2021 brings something positive change for all of us.

In my last post, I wrote about feeling under appreciated, which ended with a statement about intrinsic value. In this post, I’d like to elaborate more about that.

To begin with, let’s define what intrinsic value is. Intrinsic value is something that is of a value in it of itself. To put it more simply, a thing has value independent of external worth (money, accolades, approval, etc.).

For example, a work of art or a song has intrinsic value despite its monetary worth because of the meaning and value it has for us. In this sense, doesn’t everything have an intrinsic value? Yes, in the subjective sense. If we go to a museum, certain paintings have more value to us than other ones. Also, certain types of art, such as modern or classical, having more value to us, broadly speaking. And this goes for products at stores, and types of colors, etc. All the nuances that go with intrinsic value depends on our preferences–what we assign value to.

But in the context of my last post, I was speaking of intrinsic value in terms of pursuits–which occupations, jobs, or hobbies we value compared to ones we don’t. And this leads into intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, which is a huge topic in it of itself. Intrinsic motivation means we pursue what we is meaningful to us, and extrinsic motivation means we pursue something for materialistic reasons.

To pursue something for its intrinsic value, we’re essentially pursuing our happiness–the love of the work itself. The extrinsic value could be practical–to have money, to acquire things we need for our daily lives (food, clothing, etc.). Both are important, of course. But the intrinsic value is where inspiration, creativity, and the passion for work lie.

One thing we’ve all experienced is feeling under appreciated. It applies in a social context such as work, family, and friends. When we feel under appreciated, it feels like the work and time we put into something is brushed off, ignored, or if it goes unnoticed. And if we take it personally (which is hard not to take it as), it’s as if our value as a person is diminished.

Why are we even helping or trying? we might ask. It’s the reason we separate work from our personal lives. It’s why we choose friends that appreciate us instead of the ones that don’t. It’s why we organize the lives the way we do, keep the company we do.

This feeling of “under appreciated” makes us acutely aware that our value doesn’t come from the people around us, because they may or may not appreciate us from day to day, or month to month. Instead, it comes from us pursuing what is a value to us–since it is why we pursued it in the first place. Whether that is writing a book, creating a painting, composing music, or building a bird house, intrinsic value cannot be taken away from us.

For all the books I’ve read and all the hours I’v put into reading them, I’ve retained such a small fraction of knowledge in comparison that it seems almost forgettable. Rather, the greater part of knowledge comes from first hand experience, practice and self-reflection. It’s as if reading merely exposed me to knowledge, but it was my use of the knowledge that determined if it stayed with me or not.

Whenever I read something for the sake of knowledge, that information stays in my mind for a short period of time. All the facts and dates I try to remember are useless unless I need to recite them or discuss them with someone.

The knowledge I’ve gathered from books, whether they are about history or science, are fuzzy and unclear. I remember bits and pieces, though the details have slipped away from my memory. I don’t remember any specifics with regard to where historical figures lived, nor what their family lineage was. None of it seemed important enough to remember.

I can recall which novels I’ve read, but not all of the characters in the books or what the plot points were. It’s as if that knowledge were pushed out for the next book, making room for it. The most I remember was the affect or influence it had on me.

As I look back at all of the books I’ve read, I’m acutely aware that I didn’t need to remember everything I read. No one is giving me a test on the books, let a lone asking me what I had read. It was all for me–for my experience to grow and to expose me to different ideas.

When I read a non-fiction book, I’m more interested in the ideas than of the all the facts in them. When I read a fiction book, I read it more for the pleasure of skillful writing, as well as the power of the narrative. Retaining every speck of detail isn’t really important. It’s what I took away from them that counts the most.